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What is shame and how can I be free from it?

Updated: Dec 27, 2021

Many of us are conditioned from an early age to believe that our bodies, and our sexuality, and even ourselves are in some way shameful or dirty.

Conditioning is the, conscious or (usually) unconscious, projection of an external viewpoint into our psyche. This can be from/through family, religion, media, education system, peers and other influential figures in our lives. Children tend to absorb external opinions and internalise them, over time, as their own.

Children often explore sexual energy in a pure and playful way, until they are shut down by adults projecting their own shame, fears and inhibitions onto them. This could be in the form of phrases like “don’t touch yourself there, that’s dirty” “no, those are your private parts and no one should ever see them.” “Girls who dress like that are…” “No, nice boys don’t talk about that, that’s disgusting.”

The lasting impact of shame

Shame and disconnection from our bodies and sexual energy deepens in adolescence. Our unique, personal exploration of our own sexuality is not supported; formal sex and relationship education is so basic as to be practically useless; teaching nothing of the complexities of emotional interaction. Our sexual self-image during this period is often negatively impacted by the media, our peers, poorly handled and understood early romantic experiences, or assumptions about how things ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ be.

All this leads to shame. Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of the self; feelings of distress, anxiety, mistrust,

powerlessness, and worthlessness. All core negative emotions that impact our functioning in the world; shame is a deeply rooted emotion, and self-image, that prevents us from achieving our full potential in many areas of life.

When we can let go of shame and conditioning around our bodies and our sexuality; we recognise that these are, in fact, sacred gifts that can bring us immense pleasure, deep connection, and spiritual experiences.

How can we let go of shame?

  1. Change your perspective on your body. Our bodies are not objects that are only loveable under certain conditions, but rather unique projections of the soul that can teach us a lot about how we feel and what we need, and can even be a gateway to ecstatic, full-body orgasm. By implication, when we change the way we view our bodies, we also change the way we view others’.

  2. Experience erotic energy as sacred. When you can see, and feel, this energy as the creative force that can create new life inside and outside you, rather than a dirty and base energy to be repressed or ignored, you become much more free to express your sexuality. It’s no longer something to hide or apologise for, but a gift that, when used with love, awareness and respect, can make you and others blissfully happy!

  3. Re-connect to that childlike state of purity, playfulness, innocence and curiosity; the connect to the pre-shame state. See this new journey into conscious, sacred sexuality as an exploration, an adventure! This can be done through conscious touch, erotic play, communicating our desires and exploring Tao and Tantric techniques for awakening the erotic energy. Through the increased self-awareness this beings, you can start to recognise that many of the shameful beliefs that you absorbed from an early age are not actually yours; they are no longer true for you. Let them go! Create your own beliefs about your body and sexuality. Now you relate to your body from a pre-shame state, you can finally love, accept and enjoy it! You can even teach it to receive, and give, new energies and new gifts.

Freedom from shame

Releasing sexual shame is a fresh start for you, your body, your self-concept and your relationships. It is the ultimate freedom; from judgement, negative thinking/self-talk, and being impacted by the limiting views of others.

Tao-Tantric Coaching, Healing and Bodywork can release shame from the body, and even at a cellular level. It also enables us, perhaps for the first time, to experience our energy and ourselves in a way that is profound, sacred, and not goal-oriented.

Coaching can help us to release shame and other negative self-beliefs at the conscious and sub-conscious level, whilst learning new attitudes and practical techniques that can release shame and help us to connect to ourselves, and our sexual-emotional energies, more deeply in the every day.

This opens us up to experience new heights of pleasure, acceptance of ourselves and others, and love.

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