What I learnt about censorship and self censorship in a cult.

One of the things that happens as you insert black and white views into your brain, and they are reinforced by relationships and interactions (dangerously, exclusively) with likeminded others, including para-social connections on social media, is that you start to monitor your own thinking.

Once you’ve internalised a doctrine, you start to apply it to external situations. This is reinforced by the actual and imagined reactions of those who believe the same thing you do.

You start to anticipate and self-censor. You recognise when your own behaviour or speech isn’t group-acceptable, and you feel guilty, repress, or censor it.

A constant monitoring of self and others for ‘goodness’/‘rightness’ is part of any cultic dynamic. It’s exhausting, and exhausted people are easier to control. 

In the cult I was in they were focused on ‘resonance’, or energetic vibrations. We were told what was ‘low’ or ‘high’. This went to an extreme level of detail; words, images, colours, music, places, beliefs, and of course other people. Very importantly, Other people.

When I was volunteering for the organisation, this was optimum indoctrination time. I was given feedback on my choice of words, images, music, faces for our cult content that had two very effective outcomes: 1) quashed my personality, individual thought and creativity and 2) adapted my viewpoint and output to increasingly fit that of the cult.

This self-censorship bled into my whole life: the way I talked, my hobbies, people I interacted with, the people I didn’t. Very importantly, the Other people I didn’t. 

In that cult, as in many spiritual communities, they preach about the benefits of silencing the mind, and acting from the heart. 

Other community interest groups focus on love and hate, or justice and oppression. Much like in the cult, there is always a black and white bad guy/thing. This can lead to self-monitoring and censorship to make sure you’re on the ‘right’ side always. 

Now I see, when I was monitoring myself and others constantly using their blueprint of what was ‘high’ and ‘low’, ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ ’just’ and ‘unjust’, I was connected not with the heart but with their group think and mental doctrine.